Don't Try This at Home

Preface: I do not enjoy cooking, and after this story, you'll understand why.

Tonight I made tempura chicken nuggets (recipe included at the end of this post for those who care). This meal always takes me back to Memphis 2005. Let me tell you why...



First let me set the stage: Jamie and I were still newlywed(ish) and living in an apartment complex in Memphis for the summer while Jamie did pest control. I occasionally worked at Bath & Body Works, but mostly laid out by the pool and hung out with Melinda.

It was a Friday night and we had planned to go to the temple. I decided to make chicken nuggets for the first time. Jamie came home from work and got in the shower while I started dinner. I poured a couple inches of oil in the pot, turned the burner on high, and continued with the chicken prep.

After a few minutes, the oil started smoking. My eyes were burning a little too. I knew that meant the oil was too hot, but I figured throwing the cold chicken in would cool it down, so I dropped in a piece. (PS. don't judge me, I already told you I don't cook.)

I went back to cutting and dipping chicken on another counter until something caught my eye. I looked back and saw it. The pot of oil on fire. Flames lapping up nearly to the cupboards above the stove. I froze. I literally didn't know what to do. Where's the fire extinguisher? Do we even have a fire extinguisher? Are those flames going to catch the cupboard doors on fire?

Luckily the smoke alarm started to go off and jolted me back to reality. Jamie cracked open the bathroom door to see what was going on . After seeing all the smoke and me panicking, he yelled for me to put the lid on the pot.

I threw the lid on the pot and the fire immediately went out, but the pot was still bellowing smoke. And I do mean bellowing. My eyes were on fire and my nose was running like crazy. I couldn't stop coughing. The smoke alarm was still screaming. Our little apartment was quickly filling with smoke.

Stay with me; here's where it gets good...

Jamie ran into the kitchen, grabbed the pot, and started running towards the front door. He threw open the door, ran outside, and set the smoking pot down on the porch.

And then he realized he was standing on the porch on the 2nd story of a busy apartment complex dripping wet and naked.

After coming to his senses and retrieving a towel, he grabbed the baking soda and doused the pot to stop the smoking. I opened up all the windows and turned on fans while he got dressed. We sat outside for a while because our apartment was so smokey. I cried. I felt like such an idiot for nearly burning down our apartment complex. Jamie said some encouraging words about how Satan was trying to deter us from going to the temple, but really I knew I had caused the fire because I didn't know the first thing about deep frying (or how to put out a grease fire, which would have come in handy).

We went to the temple, got hamburgers on the way home, and Jamie assured me one day we'd laugh about the whole thing.

Boy, was he right.

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And here's the recipe:

Tempura Chicken

2/3 c flour
1 tsp. salt
3 tsp vinegar
1/2 tsp baking soda
2/3 c water
1 and 1/2 lbs boneless skinless chicken breast

Cut chicken into cubes. Heat oil in deep fryer. Mix flour and salt. Mix vinegar and baking soda. Stir vinegar mixture and water into flour mixture. Beat until smooth. Dip chicken into batter, allowing excess batter to drip into bowl. Fry chicken in hot oil until golden brown and done, about 4 minutes. Take out and place on paper towel or brown paper bag to drain.

Just watch your oil temp, folks. I'm just sayin.