To Boston

Dear Boston,

Today I found a HUGE lizard in the front yard, and I thought of you.  Even though I was slightly completely freaked out, I risked my life to get a picture of it so I could show you.  I knew you would love it.  Maybe he'll come around again, but I hope not; it was too gross.  But you are my animal lover.  You know so many facts about all kinds of animals! Every week you choose animal books from the school library, and you ask Cade to find you good nonfiction dinosaur books from the public library.

You are the oldest, and that's special for you because you get to do everything first.  But sometimes you  don't get to do things because you have three younger siblings, and that's okay too.  Every day since I first laid my eyes on you has been trial and error.  I'm figuring out the right and the wrong ways to be a parent, mostly through you.

You have taught me so many things, most recently that it's perfectly okay not to be the best at everything.  You are advanced and talented in many areas.  And in other areas you are wonderfully average, or still learning.  After your first few baseball practices this season (your first time doing coach pitch), I was grumbling that I wanted to quit.  It's a big time commitment for our family, and at your first practice it took you about 20 tries before you hit a ball.  I thought you'd be frustrated and embarrassed.  But when I asked you if you had fun and what your favorite part of practice was, guess what you said? Batting! You are teaching me that you don't have to be the best in order to have fun doing something.  I need to remember that.

I worry sometimes that boys don't stay as close with their moms as girls do when they grow up. I know you won't call me every day like I do with my mom, but I'm just going to pretend you will, because for now my heart can't handle that.  Right now you are only seven, and I'm the most important woman in your life, and I can't think about things being any different.  We'll always have a special relationship, because you are the one who made me a mom, my most valued role.

Love you Bossy,
Love Mommy

To Cade

Dear Cade,
I know I tell you a lot, but I don't think I could ever tell you enough: I love you.  You are a sensitive soul.  That makes some things hard for you; you have fears and anxieties that threaten to hold you back from doing new things.  Last year you cried and clung to Daddy when you started t-ball.  Now, look at you running the bases like a pro!  You wake up and end up in our bed a lot at night.  Don't tell Daddy, but I secretly love it.

I am so glad I get one more year with you before you start kindergarten.  Your October birthday is a blessing to you and me both.  I know you could easily handle the academics of kindergarten.  The other day we were playing with an alphabet puzzle and you said, "Mommy can you hand me the B and the O and the X? I want to spell box." But socially, you are more reserved.  You love learning new things and being with your friends, but you do best when it is in an environment you are familiar with.

You help me grow as a mom.  I'm doing my best to figure out how much to push you outside your comfort zone so you can learn that it's good to try new things and meet new people.  It's uncomfortable at first and sometimes scary, but then it gets easier.

You are a stuffed animal connoisseur.   You usually have one with you at all times.  You love checking out books and movies from the library about animals.  Boston is your absolute best friend.  Today you told me Sunday is your favorite day because Boston gets to stay home from school with you all day.  You play together, occasionally fight, then go right back to playing.  I am so glad you two have each other.  I hope you always stay close and support and strengthen each other.

Thank you for being you.  With your freckled eyelid, chipped tooth, dimpled cheeks, and sweet smile, I love you just because you're you.

Love,
Mommy

To Hudson

Dear Hudson,

Everyday I fall more in love with you, little man.  I truly wish I could record every word you say, because you are hilarious.  You talk non-stop! I love knowing what is on your mind all day.  You have a loving temperament.  You love to help, give Avie hugs and kisses, play with your trains, and watch Word World or Bob the Builder. You live to mow the grass with daddy, go to "bayball pwactice" and eat fruit snacks.  

But when you get mad, look out world.  You do not back down from a fight.  You come out with your fists swinging sometimes.  I know it must be frustrating being right in the middle of the little kids and having to learn to share and take turns and accept no for an answer.  (Guess what? Those same things are hard for grown-ups sometimes, too!)

As I pushed you into this world, I didn't know if you were going to be a boy or a girl.  I didn't want to know because I didn't care either way.  I wanted to be surprised because either way, you were a gift to Daddy and me.  That day and every day since then I have been grateful that Heavenly Father sent you to us when He did.  Some days, you are my biggest challenge.  Some days it's the funny things you say and the way your face lights up when you get excited that make me feel blessed to wake up and do this motherhood thing day in and day out.

I love you Hudsy,

Love Mommy

To Avery

Dear Avery,

It's just you and me, sister.  The only girls in a house full of swords, cleats, balls, and trucks.  I live to kiss your chubby cheeks and hands.  I melt when you give your brothers big slobbery kisses and they squeal and wipe them away (they say it's gross but they secretly love it).  Snuggling with you at bedtime--breathing in the smell of your hair while I wait for your body to get heavier, a sure sign you have given in to sleep in my arms--it's the highlight of my day.  

The days are so long sometimes.  Filled with making meals, driving brothers here and there (and everywhere in between), putting little people down for naps, playdates, cleaning up messes, wiping runny noses, kissing bumps on heads, trying to make the money stretch, teaching, reading books, trying to soak up every minute I have with you and your brothers while you are still little.  

The days are long, but the years are so, so short.  

You are so attached to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  You fit perfectly on my hip, which is where you like to be.  (Unless Manny is around, in which case you like to be on her hip!) You weigh about 23 lbs, have 2 bottom teeth, crawl well and pull up on furniture.  You love crackers and anything else you can munch or suck on, but you don't want much to do with pureed food.  

You may very well always be the baby and the only girl in this family.  You will likely always be a little spoiled, but I want more than that for you.  I want you to grow up to be independent and strong.  Courageous and kind.  A leader and a friend to everyone.  

Everything that is good...that's what I want for you, Avie.

Love,

Mommy

"I Love You Through and Through"

Dear Hudson,

Putting you to sleep at night is one of my favorite times of the day.  A chance to sit and snuggle and enjoy the peace for a rare quiet moment...it's a gift.  I love how you grab your milk, binkie, and blanket, and make a beeline for the rocking chair.  I love how the tag on your blanket is worn from the way you twist it around your finger. I love how you rub your tag under your nose and slide it between your binkie and your face.  Sometimes if I'm lucky you offer me a snuggle with the tag.  Then we read our favorite story:

I love you through and through.

I love your top side, I love your bottom side.

I love your inside and outside.

I love your happy side, your sad side, your silly side, your mad side.

I love your fingers and toes, your ears and nose.

I love your hair and eyes, your giggles and cries.

I love you running and walking, silent and talking.

I love you through and through. 

Yesterday, today and tomorrow too.

Then we turn out the light and rock. Sometimes just for a few minutes because there are other things I need to do. Sometimes everything else in the world can wait, and I rock you as long as you'll let me before reaching for your bed. 

Yesterday you were born, and tomorrow you will be grown up. So today I'll rock you and thank Heavenly Father every day for giving me you.

xoxo,

Mommy

PS: Please stop climbing on the counter. Even though you think it's fun to sneak up there and see what you can find, it really is dangerous!